small talk

watched World Idol and the show's interesting cos the judges cant wait to attack each other with the most condescending remarks. i think simon is going to say something really nasty to the canadian judge next week, something like "look at the way the canadian jugde wears, you are not even fit to be in the panel!!" wah!! some arabian idol went up the stage and sang some arab song i think which no one understood!! the show gets really interesting and i have to watch it as religiously as i did with American Idol..oh i think i got a match next wednesday..argh....

went out with faith, ivy and yve. it has been some time since we met after the examinations, only me with them i think, cos 3 of them do meet up and all. i must say that, i did feel rather weird when i didnt have anythg in common to chat with them. apparently they have some mutual friends and i feel rather upset that i wasnt there to meet their friends. half the time i didnt know wat they were talking about or rather who they were talking about, well i did try to catch whatever they were talking about. they headed for ktv after coffee and i din join them, not bcos i didnt want to but cos i was meeting ming for dinner. i will be more than glad to just join them and watch them sing. sometimes i feel drifted from them and it saddens me cos they are my closest friends in nie and i see them more often than i see my family during sch days due to the fact that i stay in hall. i just dont feel close enough, i dunnoe what the missing factor is and i do treasure their company. ming said maybe i dont share any common interest with them. however, even though friends whom i am really close to are my netball girlfriends but we dont talk about netball at all when we meet so i dun see why i cant be that close to yve and co.

prob i am the one who is building a wall between us. am i? i dunnoe. is it cos im not sharing enough with them? perhaps im the one who pulls myself away from them. well, i love my friends especially those whom im really close to. it seems to me that im shieldin myself, i dunnoe why. i cant seem to trust people easily anymore. prob cos i have been through the bitter taste of betrayal. i dont make new friends or rather have new best friends anymore cos i thought i have enough oredi. i value friends a lot and prob too much oredi, thats why im so cautious now.

i think it really depends on fate. like yanyan, i met her for a few months without even talking to her and on a fateful day, i just talked to her and we studied together and i do enjoy her company. it might be the same case for her, though we are friends but prob i could never break into her circle of trust or best friends or soul mates. anyway, i think friendship is like a normal BGR, you need to put in enough effort to see it bloom cos it wun just happen..

i hope i will feel more comfortable with them on our next trip out and i will put in effort.
Sunshine ; Wednesday, June 09, 2004