I'm just different.
Monday, May 23, 2005
You do miracles so great...im so grateful to God for what He has done for me. He has brought my mum and bro into His kingdom, ivy to church, my grandma to church and restored beloved faith's hope in Him. now ivy and i are going to try charisa's cell group and i pray that God will lead us in choosing a cell group. i have received my posting and i thank God for it. somehow, when i read the posting to myself, i felt a sense of relief. i must say, distance is an issue for me since i dont have a driving liscense at all. i met up with beloved sq and had a sumptous buffet. everything went well but ended off with on a sad note. sq doesnt believe in God anymore. i recalled, she was the one who brought me closer to knowing the ways of God but now she has gone to an unreachable zone. well i can only pray for her, that she will rededicate her life to God.i thought of what she has in mind now, that we all choose to pin our hopes in a higher being, afterall, we could have done ourselves everything. what do we live for then? where do we go from here? in a matter of choice, i choose to think that God has been with me all this while, otherwise i would not have the extra breath to pray for my mum and those around me. i do have the power to think that everything and everyone is possible unless God is with me.if i do not have God in my life, i would have let the dark side of me consumed my total being. i would have done wrong things which to me, are just grey areas. i would have turned to someone who live day by day, doing things that only fulfil my physical needs. sometimes i do find myself a scary person, there is just another me, i feel, waiting to burst out..but i will not let that happen. i will be just me, God's princess.
Sunshine ; Monday, May 23, 2005
Monday, May 16, 2005
people just like us..
all my life, i innocently believe that whatever i do not do to others, they will not do it unto me as well. even though i have been through rough times handling all these matters, i still choose to believe in what the bible teaches me.
yet, time after time, i haven been proven wrong. perhaps i used to take people for granted so now they take me for granted. but then again, i took them for granted cos someone else did that to me! i concluded that its a vicious cycle.
karma? bobby reminded me that im a christian and so NO karma. period.
somehow, some people dont really care what goodness you brought to them, or rather, they dont perceive your deeds as gifts. you are a willing party anyway. so who's to blame?
i always ask myself, why did she/he do that to me? i have never done that to them before. i guess its time i pull myself out of my illusion, not everyone will appreciate what you do.
"do not withold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to act." proverbs 3:27, as i ponder over this verse, a part of me says "yes i shd do good to others who deserve it" but another part of me wonders, "but who will grant me the goodness i deserve?"
why do i always think that someone is a gd person as long as he/she is kind to me? am i wrong to think this way? is it too naive of me?
i didnt think much until ivy told me sm "truth", perhaps nt true but it cld be all true. i was taken aback and my heart, kind of, sank..smhow i didnt expect it to turn out this way, im disgusted and disappointed.
but well..its always a matter of choice, people like us, choose to live the way we desire.
i truely believe that we are people with split personality. a part of us wants to live the way conformed by the society, together with the "shd dos" and "shd not dos", another part of us actually yearns to wriggle out of the nutshell and be someone else, doing the "shd nots" but derive some sort of excitement out of this life.
still, its just a matter of choice...
Sunshine ; Monday, May 16, 2005
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
tuesday mix w tears and joy...
i cried three times today, at coffee club, at cant b then in suntec. it was a mixture of sadness, pain and still sadness.
just becos im more willing to tolerate doesnt mean i can just take any form of nonsense, just becos im the youngest doesnt mean i can accept all forms of attacks aimed to make me feel lk shit. its so ironic that those closest to you will be the last on this earth to ever apologise to you. wats wrong? pride is more impt than family members?
i clumsily missed one step and fell on the steps..thank God, not down the stairs. still that doesnt mean im hurt less, now i cant even slp on my right and my dear yan yan, its not ur fault tho were just beside me, i have no idea of how it happened.
tok to the girls abt God today..thank God that im given the chance to do this and i hope God will empower me with more knowledge and grace to do more sharing with others.
my mum is a christian now and i thank God for this wonderful gift. aft all that i have offered up to God, i have received double returns and i know there will be more.
i know God is causing a stir in my family and im looking forward to it. i pray that God will draw near to ivy and faith too as they try to draw near to Him.
"For I know the plans I have for you, plans prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Sunshine ; Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Monday, May 09, 2005
God with me...i woke up this morning singing while taking my shower. started singing "love you so much" which we sang during sunday service. talked to ivy abt purpose of church-going, told ming abt my testimony, is God with me today? of cos...i feel secured whenever He is around, its a good feeling which i probably neglected and didnt think of it as something which i really need until i recalled the day He left me, i had this loss which i remember vividly, i just felt so lost. then i realised, what i cannot do without. i sit here, for the past half an hour, thinking of how i shd describe my feelings now, the last thing on my mind is to hurt anyone i love.i woke up this morning, thinking its a good day today then..................until its tears i taste now.
Sunshine ; Monday, May 09, 2005
Friday, May 06, 2005
high day..i took one tiny pill, smaller that the size of pea and i slept for 15 hrs and i still feel very drowsy now..i cant wait for nightfall so that i can get back to my slump and sleep. perhaps i shd start to slp at 9 in order to get up at 12 noon tmr.i had this sudden outbreak of rash yesterday and i dun even know why..nice ivy went to the doc w me tho she cld hv gone home. i almost died of itch while waiting for bus. thank God im so much better now.watched kingdom of heaven and its just fine. the story took too long to develope and prob certain scenes were too uncalled for. well, for a movie that depicts unshakeable code of honour and ethics, i think its worth watching. the only thing that disturbs me, is how easily the templars shouted "God wills it". i guess not only then, even now, there are people who just do things conveniently in the name of the Lord. at the end of the day, we just hope to have a gd slp at night, not having to worry abt the distrubing knocks at night."speak the truth, even if it may bring you to your death." are all of our actions today, honour God? or honour ourselves?
Sunshine ; Friday, May 06, 2005
Monday, May 02, 2005
look who's back!!??yeah!! my bro and i survived two days without my maid. thk God they are back oredi..phewww...no more washing the clothes, sweeping the floor, boiling water and handwashing all my clothes plus my bro's clothes, folding of clothes, watering plants and such...wah..really not easy to manage a household, the household chores are endless. but well, that will not my business until years later so now..its time to resume normal life..sit back and relax..and look good.hate nie!!! the tot of gg to nee soon camp and get burned by the scorching sun irks me to the core. im training to be a pri sch teacher not some tour guide of moe. dont see the need to attend so many seminars which are so not related to my field of studies at all.
Sunshine ; Monday, May 02, 2005