I'm just different.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

First day of school went fine..fine as in boring and simple..everyone else had one week of lesson observations except for this girl who is in Chinese dept..totally sucks when I have to go around begging to sit in for observations and most will not obliged. Sigh…I miss temasek..though I may have many more friends here but I still prefer the cultivating environment there.

Met up with the gers last nite and ivy the day before. Somehow, meeting them gave me some sort of assurance and I definitely felt better after that.

Yan yan is right..i think sometimes im too hard on certain issues, perhaps I push for things too much..i know its just some sort of protection I seek for myself..but I cant help it…people cant make me forget how hurtful they made me feel. I know an apology has been given but its how u cld bring urself to hurt me..that ill never forget..

Does anyone know what im tryin to get at?

Sunshine ; Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

i hate nie..

no longer the "i scared i fail leh.." but actually at the back of my mind im thinking, "i think it went fine"...i sat the test today and its a total record breaker, I WILL FAIL AND YES, EVEN MY TOES KNOW!!!!! i haven never sat a test which i totally went blank..cant find my mind at all. i got so tensed i could have suffered a stroke, almost didnt wake for the bloody test and seeing all the busy bees in the LT writing stuff which i have already forgotten. this is worse than taking the biology paper 7 years ago.

life in nie will soon be over..other than finding some loved ones, a teacher who really cares for me, the rest of nie can go straight into the dustbin, afterall i did suffer DEPRESSION cos of nie..for the first time ever in my life.

more lesson plans, more rascals, more stress...IMPENDING DOOM.

Sunshine ; Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Monday, February 07, 2005

it wil be over..

yes im moving out of hall in few days' time and thats the end of 2 yrs in hall 8. the hall which brought me monkey visits, cats walking pass, rats as roomies and flying bats outside my window...sadly only yiping is worth mentioning, she is the only friend in hall whom i can complain and whine to...do sudden visits and tk pictures together..

i remembered times when friends kept asking me to move to hall 2, 12, and 7..somehow, a part of me still wants to remain here in 8..i guess its familiarity though im so not involved in hall..well another group of hi-bye friends in my life. still, memories lingers...the softball gers, the netball gers, basketball gers, track and field, cheerleading, yiping, yongyi, edwin, yongsheng, i will remember the times we had together. thanks..

spoke to wendy the past few nites, yes wendy, i do have more than you expect..

angel: its not right, its morally wrong.

me: wat is morally right? what others think its right? what the majority can accept? i dun believe in clear cut right and wrong anymore. everything in life is grey..i just do what i want, maybe its not right but does someone has any right to reprimand me? i stick to what i believe..

in my future, i ought to be someone who imparts values..sadly it might be just what the society wants them to do..and ill do that but deep in my heart, i know that i cant agree..is there split personality in me? the righteous part of me will say, "yes yes, this is wat u shd do" but the defiant part of me or prob the real me will go, "actually i think otherwise" .

her: im a bitch, janet.

me: im a bitch too..prob more than u do..but hey, the world nids us!!!

her: *laughs*

the world nids the darkness to bring out the sunshine..

Sunshine ; Monday, February 07, 2005

Wednesday, February 02, 2005