I'm just different.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
okay, first off day of the week and i get my sats off back again!! yes!! thank you, God and thank you, my boss. thank you for rewarding me.the chatterbox is back as per requested..heheham going to meet up with the girls later, yes! gossip time! hahhaa and catching up time as well. the last time we met was in may, for twinnie's bday and now we are meeting again, thats not too bad i think, we are meeting once a month at least. which is both glad and sad to know, we used to see each other almost every single day of the year and now we have to be contented with just meeting up, hopefully once a month. its just the same thing that happened once you leave your school upon graduation, all those promises to meet have vanished into bubbles. so im really glad that im meeting the girls today :) now and then i do see some familiar faces and usually i dont recall their names. the amazing thg is, ALL of whom i saw still recognise me and remember my name. alex : janet!me walking around with my clipboard, jumped to his voice and frantically trying to match his face to all the schs i have attended and processin his name at the same time.me: oh alex! *after 5 secs (not bad, i didnt have to buy 10s more to recall his name.) you look different!alex: you still look the same! same hairstyle. ( too which i disagree, how could i possibly highlighted my hair when i was in 3E3?!)you know when pple say you look the same, i dunno whether to take it as a compliment or not. does that mean i look as young as when i was 15? or i oredi looked like my age now when i was 15? why is it that pple who have seen me thru my years always say that i look the same aka younger than my actual age and pple who just met me thinks that im in my late twenties? why is my face so inconsistent? i think when i am at work,i look serious so that attributes to "you look 30."staff innocently asked : may i know how old are you?me: how "old" do you think i am?staff : 30?my heart broke into pieces and i looked over sternly : you dont have to come for work anymore.how does old and experienced relate to each other? are they always parallel to each other? i have held 3 full time and 2 pt jobs in my life which prob doesnt happen to someone who is much older than me. does that mean i am old? since teachin days i have established this belief in me, old doesnt mean experienced, of cos when you live longer, you are exposed to more experiences but if i can be exposed to the same opportunities too. but well, one thing that is true, when you are older, opportunities come to to you, when you are young, you need to create them yourself.ok im just trying to come up with some rubbish to eradicate the sick feeling of being called "30" even my mom has been remindin me that im almost there when i showed her a strand of gray hair altho i firmly believed its due to stress!!!anyway i think being with pple who are older or looks older may help me find my youth back. the sad thg is, im surrounded by pple who are younger than me 95% of the time :( my youth can only be found at home now. sad..SQ is married. its awesome to be part of the wedding esp when its someone whom you love and have been thru your growing years with you. i feel so glad for her that she has found someone whom she can spend her life with, lovingly. its just different when you attend your friend's wedding and your cousin's whom you dont really care abt. attending her wedding was more of an obligation than invitation. it was just sit and eat then go home kind of thg. sad but true.i saw her world wedding mag when i bought her world mag and was tempted to buy. but for wat? just wanted to buy and see the princessy gowns and little cute flowers they used to decorate the dining table or the calla lilies the bride will be holding in her hands. i suddenly recalled that when i was young, i liked to draw wedding gowns because they simply looked gorgeous in magazines. of cos i wasnt that artistic to come up with any proper drawings, the point is, i just like lookin at wedding gowns. i think SQ's maroon bustier gown was gorgeous and her blue cheongsam which made her looked like miss hongkong was also a fantastic choice.the breeze is lullaby-ing me to slp now but i shall not waste time slping. ill go read and yes, i prepared lunch and dinner for myself for the past 3 days! minus 3 days worth of oil and msg at work! *clap clap* its blue sky today, just hanging outside my balcony now..ahhh..i love blue sky..
Sunshine ; Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
finally found a skin that i like and decided to only blog after putting up the new skin.
lots of thoughts to blabber so here i go...
met up with previous superior and am happy for her that she will be the one who will be making things better, besides her, i dont think anyone else will be bold enough to step up and make changes, good and wise changes. if only this was done sooner, prob i wldnt have left but well im glad with the current opportunity that is given to me. God really blesses, i received a fatter bonus than the first time, yes, it has been 2 bonuses since we opened, the higher-ups are doing us justice with all the long working hours. it feels great that your superiors actually appreciate your labour. well, your labour in God will never be in vain, amen!
with the expulsion of bad influence, staff morale has been improving, recently. there is also a new influx of new staff who are positive at the beginning. after talking to the staff, i realised some of us are really not that well-liked but they choose to ignore it or rather they think they are well-liked by everyone. as usual, the person who is overly confident of herself always thinks that she is well-received by everyone and what she refused to know is, they actually hate her! she actually thinks that she speaks well but they feel that she is being tactless and bitchy. to top it off, she also thinks that she is very likeable by our boss. i think whatever she does is none of my business as long as she doesnt stay in the same store as me after july and i would like to see how she regards all the negative comments she gets as "im popular". despite her confidence, she just doesnt face confrontations face to face.
oh man, i feel crappy after writing all the above, it makes me feel even more negative. ok good for her, that she feels the smartest and most confident among us. congrats.
anyway, about staff, please all of you, do what is right and not what is popular cos the latter will just make you lose your identity. they are pple in their twenties and yet sometimes the things that they do is simply senseless. they do things to harm themselves and destroy their career.
i wonder what did i wanted to blog about...oh yah, went for my good, old batam retreat and it was awesome. relaxing as usual and had a great treat to spa. ahhh..i just slept to the chattering of birds and whispering of the neverending breeze. altho once in a while, a huge fly will swoosh past and provide an alternative "surround sound" noise. the only part that was disappointing was we didnt get to sing karaoke cos the system was down in all the rooms and the technician stays a few miles away in the city which will take him an hour to reach us. we waited for half and hour and decided to be tv addicts instead but ended up with no better tv programmes as well.
i chanced upon a blog and the writer, who is actually my staff, thinks nothing of pple who works in retail line and demeans all her colleagues and condescends someone who is interested in her, a loser and maybe a forever good-for-nothg. poor souls, all those who think that they are being accepted as her friends just becos she is a plain spoilt brat *she quoted herself* and they just think its interesting to be identified as "her clique" cos she is aloof and cool. all she needs to do is say smthg negative about one person and the rest just follow suit. poor, poor souls and especially the one who fancies her, all of you are losers in her eyes and she prob wont want to be identified as your once, colleague or even acquaintance.
i pity those and especiallly her, who thinks that a degree or double degree holder is all you need in life to get everything you want. no wonder you are depressed. or rather, you are empty. you will never get to enjoy life, or perhaps you will never live a life, if you are just another materialistic narcisstic.
ok enuff abt others, now to myself, besides my short escapade to batam, i am hanging on to a belief or rather, a promise that i will be getting my own soon which creates some sort of euphoria in me. i do want to believe that it will happen but worry that it wont. thats the thg abt believing in promises, if it happens, good for you. if it doesnt, you have to accept the reasons that didnt allow it to realised which is unacceptable to me. it boils down to dependance. if you want to depend your happiness on someone, be ready to be disapponted. when i was anti-marriage, i said this to my friends, "if you placed hopes in someone, you have to have double portion of space inside you to accept disappointments." if i have made enuff money, i wldnt have to worry abt having someone to make my dreams come true. thats the thg with me again, i want to be financially independent yet i want to be a housewife, too idealised a dream. but i believe, many women share this dream with me.
until i am financially independent then, im waiting to see what happens this year.
Sunshine ; Friday, June 12, 2009