1. im extremely tired
2. i cant mark anymore
3. i have been asked of my updates
4. i hope that by blogging, ill empty some thoughts out..so i wont feel so "filled with thoughts"

for no apparant reason, i have been thinking if my expectations of others are too high especially when it comes to work. i have finally come to terms with myself, that i expect people to work at my pace or rather the pace that i have set for them. i am also rather assertive and maybe too "on task"? i probably neglected some other people's feelings which i dont mean to cos its work!! put everything else aside la. hmmm..am i too practical? am i too mean? am i too "on task"?

i hate it when people around me feel upset cos of me, cos of what i do and say. i mean, if i didnt mean to hurt them and when they get hurt, i feel like shit.

coming to school has become more and more stressful, i feel like i cant make mistakes, i must be extra careful when i talk to certain people, i must be extra tactful when i comment on certain issues, i must not teach too fast or too slow, must not be too high profile or too low profile, must not do too many things or too few things, must not be too assertive or too submissive. how easy is that?

i got my first A for my assignment and it really encourages me in this midst of busy times. im already thinking of next year..will i stress anyone out by thinking about that? i hope not.

i think i have too many comments again..

• have i taught the children any values today?
• will they change?
• have i just wasted time? *oh yes!! i wanted to do group work.*
• why did i choose to live in anger for half the day?
• do i like to live in pessimism?
• do i find hope in what i did today?
• did the children feel encouraged by what i did?

well, i guess i know the answers by now..i had obviously over-reacted but at that moment, i felt like i was totally let down. so to be fair, they were at fault first!! of cos i was not doing the right thing too.

why do people have ears and dont listen? have eyes yet are blind?

now that my lips are swelling due to the ulcers, i have to keep my mouth slightly open, to avoid friction between my big tooth and the ulcers. i have pouty lips now, plus my perpectually slightly opened lips, i look pretty sexy, according to bee bee.

now that im asked to oversee the project, i actually do feel troubled. i know my eagerness will perhaps lead to undesirable situations, at least for me. im not supposed to be the overall IC initially, it seems that im taking away the other people's credits. will there be anyone who feel this way? i asked hui today, she said it doesnt matter. this kind of support is really God's gift to me.

the truth is, it really doesnt matter at all? will anyone feel that im trying too hard to be competent?

after patio, i tried to tone down a bit so that other people will have their chances too now that i had mine. how should i do it in a more subtle manner?

sometimes i think, must i really change to adapt to the environment? will i be the one to influence people and even the environment or let them influence me?

i almost broke down at the doc's, am i really happy? or am i just trying to be?

• other than being a teacher, what else can i be? i act enjoyed the days at starhub, just go there and worked then hv break den packed up and go home. no need to stress over anything at all.
• if i aint a teacher then should i be a tutor?
• should i go have my braces done?
• should i move out?
• should i stay where i am now?
• should i be a slacker or earnest worker?
• should i take one or two modules next year?
• should i cut my hair again?
• should i go for pedicure on friday?
• should i do my assignment tonight or sleep like a pig?

who would be able to answer all my questions?

just a boring post.

the first batch of presents i received