I'm just different.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
i was pissed the whole day. didnt sleep well the previous night. lucky ah yve bought me breakfast else i would have had to starve until 1230. anyway didnt have any lecture notes to refer to so was pretty much not paying attention. i really dunnoe what these lecturers have in their mind...they think they will have all our attention by not giving us any lecture notes. on the contrary, i wasnt listening at all.
met my class and informed them abt the dictionary thg. some came with a black face as if i owe them a favour, i think i can just dump the whole thg to them and let them collect their own money. no one really appreciates what others have done for them. anyway i was even more pissed when someone just interrupted me and paraphrased what i have just said, giving me that kind of impression that i cant handle the class. i mean, pls loh..she was parroting what i said, whats the difference? then keep saying that "i will zap for u all, i will do this for u all, i will do that for u all" i was like what the hell!!! i already said no more copies and she still want to zap, zap what shit?! well, seems like she wants to give us the impression that only she can do things for the class then so be it.
went for another lecture after lunch and we were 5 mins late. we wanted to sit in the first row and this jialing simply refused to remove her bag which was on one of the seats. 6 of us were standing there and the whole group of students were staring at us. after she reluctantly removed her bag, she made this super mean comment "wah sit here ah, chao si ren ah". she is a mother of one and she is a chinese teacher, i cant believe what her child will grow up to be like. how could she say such a thg!!??? i mean, perhaps she should just alert us politely that we talk too loudly and im very sure we will just quiet down or something, rather than just passing such a mean comment.
according to sources, she can get very mean and already deemed my clique as people who are very loud and superficial though i dunnoe in what sense. i was very upset when i heard this. we have been classmates and going to be classmates for one more sem, all she can think of us and say abt us, are all in a condescending manner. i dunnoe why im so affected..im both furious and upset. cant believe that someone in the class hates us so much.
i still feel low although its the end of the day already, i dunnoe why, what jialing said had so much impact on me. its not as if i yearn to be accepted by her, i just cant believe someone's heart could bear such grudge against another, so harmless. perhaps yan is rite, there are all kinds of people in teaching, this profession. the good ones, the hardworking one, the dedicated ones as opposed to the smoke ones, the lazy ones, and of cos, the ones who lack ethics and maturity.
it is yet another day, that left me speechless...but full of emotions.
Sunshine ; Tuesday, August 24, 2004