I'm just different.
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Training was cancelled. I was bit pissed cos I was looking forward to training and it had to be cancelled. Anyway I passed a comment that it’s a waste of my time and luckily, wendy wasn’t here. Peili heard and she walked over to hug me. She told me that its not a waste of time at all, in fact we could go eat together. The thought of being with peili was very soothing so all my initial frustration went away.
Peijun, peili and me went to eat at 511, I ate the vermicelli which didn’t taste as good as before. We ordered stingray as well and peili was talking so much, as usual, dinner was very entertaining. Peili and all her animated movements made us laughed. Hahhaha..i insisted that she must use her phone to take a picture of us and we took abt 4 shots cos I wasn’t satisfied. I dun even look like myself. Anyway peijun left, peili and I decided to stay and talk more.
While peili was talking, I wasn’t really concentrating cos my mind was full of things that I wanted to tell her. I kept quiet and she knew something was wrong with me when she finally allowed me to speak. I knew I could tell her anything and everything. So I told her my thoughts.
Although I really want to tell peili everything, I stopped myself. I dunnoe why. Perhaps im afraid that she will say something that will upset me, something that I dun wish to listen to. Sigh….how practical we can be. When we hear comments that are pleasing to our ears, comments that are similar to our very own thoughts, we know we have support and we think we are right. However, when others’ comments differ from our views, we refuse to think that we could be wrong, instead, we turn a deaf ear and choose to believe that they are the ones who have an issue.
I knew what peili was going to say. I was asking for the obvious answer. I dunnoe what was my purpose of telling her. Perhaps I needed her to remind me the situation im in and what should be done. I didn’t feel very good after talking to her cos I know what I shd do but my heart doesn’t know what to do. Peili said I should have had enough already and it will never end if I dun put an end to it.
So many thoughts are running in my mind. So many things I wanna say. I dun know what to think. I dun know what to say.
Its Saturday. Im having a netball carnival tmr morning and ballet practice on the afternoon. Tons of tutorial to prepare. Im so tired…
Sunshine ; Tuesday, August 10, 2004