Wednesday, September 15, 2004
rainy days...another emotional day
its just as cloudy as it was in the morning..i woke up at 830am, amazingly early since i slept at 3am. but!! i didnt get out of my bed until 1pm, which makes me more lethargic now. trying to keep myself awake now.
completed a project yesterday afternoon, it was fun!! the four of us were transformed into reporters and editors, ivy and faith went to the canteen and interviewed my fav yan yan. i believed ivy and faith had fun, they went around taking pictures with the stall holders and all..ahhah..ah yve and i remained on the lab. she did the powerpoint and all, i thought i didnt do much, just came up with a few paragraphs of words. anyway, everything was possible cos my fav yan yan lent us her laptop and thumb drive. many thks!!
faith gave me something i love yesterday, a butterfly!!! hahah the colour's so sweet and it has glittering stuff on top..so nice. so darling of her!! anyway i was tellin my fav yan yan that im so truly happy with faith, ivy and ah yve. i feel so different towards them now as compared to last year. i just love being with them.
saw huilin on monday. i almost cried toking to her, cant believe how much i miss tokin to her and just having her with me. she is probably the only one who knows exactly what im going through..maybe not abt how i feel but at least i can just tell her what im so troubled with. haven really got the chance to sit down and tell her everything, just told her briefly whats going on now. i dunno what she will say, she knew something was wrong the minute i spoke to her. sigh..i wonder when is the next time ill get to tok to her again..i probably know what she is going to say and its perhaps something which i dun want to hear but i just need her to tok to me.
I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love. We seek the comfort of another. Someone to share and share the life we choose. Someone to help us through the never-ending attempt to understand ourselves. And in the end, someone to comfort us along the way.
sometimes i wonder how could love bring hurt at the same time...then i felt it when just a simple act or sentence wrenched my heart. i left, thinking that it wld be the best move but it just brought more tears. the hardest thing to do in life, i think, is to love someone. yet,the hunger for love is so much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. in the past, i choose to hurt others than for them to hurt me, the chinese has this saying; "ning yuan wo fu tian xia ren , ye bu yuan tian xia ren fu wo". but now, i just hope that others wont hurt me that much. maybe they didnt choose to hurt me, but i just got too affected by them. where's the couldnt-care-less janet?
its still raining...i just feel that heaven above is pouring more sorrows unto me..
Sunshine ; Wednesday, September 15, 2004
