I'm just different.

Friday, June 23, 2006

i marked 150 books on monday and then 60 books on tuesday, see, this how fast i can mark or rather, this is my marking capacity. this is the last week of the sch holidays and i prob had rested 4 days out of it. anyhow, thank God i managed to clear my work review and the books that i had to mark.

i attended two course this week and this is my reflection:

course A
duration: 3 hours
course rating: good, i learnt something new. like how soft skills could be broken down into social awareness, self awareness and what it lead to. i though it help me to organise my thoughts, the next time i talk to someone else. on the flip side, not everyone is able to run through this whole process before shooting off, some people just dont have social awareness or rather self awareness.

course B
duration: 8 hours 15 mins
course rating: poor. again i learnt paper knowledge, i really want to apply but where is the "white space" for me? i already thought of getting Lh to come and watch my lesson but we are all teaching at the same time, even if there is a free time slot, i also feel very paiseh to ask her leh. like taking her free time away. anyway, duration was too long and it was not that engaging. i was actually a bit shocked by the reactions of the trainer, she didnt allow us to talk even if we already finished our stuff. she wanted us to go through the thinking process rigorously. i was just too tempted to doodle on my notebook and used it to talk to cuiqi. i just couldnt sit through 8 hours without talking and moving around.

the spoiler came when we were asked to go to groups and i was very against it, because i know once we get there, nothing will be done within 30 minutes, they will just talk among themselves and then arrow people to present. simply nothing gets done. i tried sitting back and allow chances for others to participate but clearly, G was the only one who was talking sense and apparantly, no one seems to get the instructions. it came to a point of time when i could not take it anymore, i just opened my mouth and wrote somethings down. well whatever that i have proposed may not be perfect, at least i got something useful going, rather than some peole who are not just rude but also seemingly not profficient in anything else except food. she will be the root of my sin, i will be considered disrespectful, rude, petty just because she doesnt say "thank you", "please", "excuse me" and does not have the decency to ask for permission when taking your things and not bothered to explain to you later.phew....i let off steam..oh God, please teach me how to have social awareness or control myself cos i can anticipate that one day, when i will blow my top at her.

again, we are open to more and more critics that our local teachers are not profficient enough such that other expats need to be employed to teach standard english. did we not meet the examination standards? can the students understand their accent? why dont just consider retraining our own teachers? well, they prob have addressed all these concerns, whether or not this move will really be implemented, we shall see. on a personal note, i just feel that educators will be more pressured.

huilin shook me by my shoulders and demanded that i go for second opinion. that was before cuiqi coming before me and amplified my condition in the whole staff room and also linhui who asked me if she could scold me for my decision. i really thank God for giving me friends who care for me. i just still need time, for what, i still dont know. maybe for the hope that one day, God will answer my prayer or rather the prayer of my friends, so they will know that my God is a real God and a healing God, maybe i still need time to accept what was told to me. now i understand why people need so much time to muster the courage to accept treatment.

i know God works in different ways, God will provide wisdom to the doctors who will be supervising me. i know everything that some people will say to me. i just want to be given some time. i just dont want to go through what is unnecessary.

Sunshine ; Friday, June 23, 2006