I'm just different.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

after our trio kopi and tok session, i was left with some thoughts......

why did i suddenly blurt out what happened? just to prove that we all have feelings that are often, unavoidable? but does that help? by telling friends know that there are many sides of us that we all have not explored until we are met with certain circumstances, in fact there are many sides of me that others have not seen or rather, even i myself have yet to discover. but well, at least i have the gumption to own up and told the true story.

so friend, feelings towards one other aint sinful man, God did not made us to be heartless person, in fact, God has given us the power that He also gave Jesus who used it to overcome the world and that is LOVE. God wants us to love, of course, love responsibly. admit your own feelings, it is the actions that follow which may be incorrect, then self-control comes in. i pray the best for you, my friend, that one day, you will be truly happy too.

yuppie : " i do not like those newcomers who are so new in the school and dare to judge me according to their standards. im already here for a few years, who are they to come and advise me on these issues? "
me thinking, " darn, is she talking abt me?"

No. of years at work = Experience?
i beg to differ with the equation. the number of year that you have worked does not necessarily make you a better worker, you could be the same worker making all the same old mistakes. like the number of years i have played netball does not make me a world class player. loyalty does not play a part in gaining experience, it is the quality of your experience that makes a person worthy at work. * ok, i do not rewally understand what im saying here, i mean i know what im syaing but dont know whyi made it so difficult to understand here...* so this is my formula:
Experience = Quality of no. of years at work.

borned-leaders need not have a specific group of followers under them, people will be following them unknowingly. ordinary leaders lead by words, extraordinary leaders lead by actions.

somehow, we all believe that we do not deserve to be happy, we are not privileged to be happy as we are, there are alwats external forces that causes us to be upset with ourselves, make ourselves feel lousy and retarded, like how i am feeling these few days. i hate the devil!! he is the one who is causing us to be upset and to be discontented with what we have and with God. curse the devil!!! stop exploiting my weaknesses!!!

take delight in God!! God is my source of strength, my source of happiness, He made me so beautiful!!! i will be happy!!! i will spread happiness!!!

Sunshine ; Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Saturday, July 15, 2006

ok i got nagged to update after i nagged hui hui to update her blog..i really want to blog more and reflect more but life has been hectic..anyhow, my random updates..

i still think zidane deserves his Golden Ball award since the poll finalised itself before the match ended so there should be no double standard..i mean, we dont just penalise people forever by the wrongs they did right? we are talking about commending him for his distinctive play throughout the season.
well, i heard it on air that the world was watching what zidane was doing and its unacceptable because there were many children and teenagers who will follow zidane's action. OH COME ON..since when have we decided to leave our children's education to soccer players?? well i say, if im a mother, i will tell my boy, "hey son, emotions are natural and we tend to react almost immediately to anger but there should be other methods of resolving this issue." who are we to say that zidane was wrong to react? have we heard what materazzi said to zidane? * OH MAN, i feel like a journalist...*hahahhaha*
i spent 5 hours setting listening comprehension and the comprehension passage itself, after heaving a great sigh and thinking that i completed everything. my lappie let me down. i cant open a simple word doc which happen to consist of my CA2 paper. and so, after tearing my hair out, i started all over again.
thus, im having a bad headache now..
hence, my marking..opps..i didnt even have the time to mark. sigh..it was 6 hours in school and i did not complete my marking..failure is ringing in my ears.
my health is deteriorating, could work stress do so much damage to me?
i still think that there is a proper channel, time and place for everything in this world. that is why God created everything in 7 days in His almighty power. i hope my friend will grow to learn this and may God honour her patience towards the people around her, may God grant her wisdom.
God, i need wisdom too.
God, i just need you.
hui hui, you really look very nice in your denim skirt today and you should REALLY wear pants or jeans, your legs are gorgeous!
cuiqi, thank you for teaching my beloved nephew, he lacks self-confidence. please guide him. Praise the Lord, you sang really well to God on founder's day.

Sunshine ; Saturday, July 15, 2006

Thursday, July 06, 2006

i raised my voice at the earliest class i had today, i cant help it, am i having my menses or what? i keep getting pissed off but anyway, nothing could beat the level of unhappiness i had inside me this evening.

how can someone totally disregard the mistakes that she she made just because i said i was going to take disciplinary action? by the way, i explained my sort of disciplinary action to her, i said i will make her come early and i will sit with her and ensure that she does her work untilshe is responsible enough to complete her work. is this non-constructive? is not edifying enough? if after all the chances that i had given her and the pep talks i gave her were not building her up at all, then i really dont know what was i doing all these while and what kind of an idiot i am to think that she will learn her mistakes one day. i was probably just a fool thinking that i will be a good teacher. telling her that it is not her lost work that made me upset, it is not her absent-mindedness that infuriate me but it is her attitude that is a disappointment to me.

i told her she is smart but she is lazy. whatever la...my actions just dont get reciprocated and i am sick and tired of calling someone for the whole day who just tell me that she has made a honest mistake nonchalantly. how many honest mistakes will she allow her to make until it becomes a dishonest one?

God, is this what you want me to go through? why?

i dont even care if it goes downstairs, in fact i hope that it does, so that she will see how unfair she has been to me.

God i know why you put me through this, is it because you want me to know that im not cut out to be a teacher?

Sunshine ; Thursday, July 06, 2006

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

i had an unbearable day today. the weather was hot and humid, i had a "morning mare" cos i went back to sleep at 7am and the stupid dream i had woke me up so i did not wake up naturally. my body aches through the day and i could stretched it to make it well, to top it up, many of my students forgot to bring their books to submit, i almost went crazy. what is wrong with them? why cant they just remember to bring their books? so little things to remember what..sigh......i lost all motivation to encourage them today.

oh well, at least RJ behaved today, or rather, he wasnt sitting under my nose so i could not see him. RJ 2 also behaved today so i guess God sent two angels to me today. the thirs angel has to be hui hui who got me a cute fridge magnet, she must hunted for it since there aint anything much to get in JB.

batam was cool, i totally relished the idea of getting up to a day of swimming then eating, then swimming again, follow by eating. not forgetting the body scrub and the jacuzzi. ahhh....life was a breeze for the two days and that must have contributed to my good play on monday evening. i was glad that i ended the netball season with at least one good game. yeah!!

i realised that size doesnt matter, ultimately, you have to know if you are happy. no dirty thoughts please, my hotel room in holiday inn made me realised that i rather have happiness over flowing the room than trying to fill happiness in a bigger room. perhaps my house, in future if i get one, may be small but i will ensure that im happy, staying in that hut of mine. but of cos, i would not mind a bungalow with my own pool...heh heheh...

im wondering why are girls so insecure with their current look? i always get to see purple eye shadow splatted across her eye lids whenever there is photo taking sessions, i bet some people already hinted her that it just doesnt work this way, be it the skills part or the colour part, how come she still doesnt get it? the rule of the thumb is, be as natural as possible, honeys.
no over doing and no over colouring your eyes!! i support natural beauty, man.
that said, i should go get a spa package...ming, are you reading? im dropping hints..

Sunshine ; Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Saturday, July 01, 2006

my reflections of the day......

Act 1
i taught a poetry lesson this afternoon.

Response:
students seemed restless ( is it cos of the weather? ). they were active while doing their classwork ( excellent!! at least there was life! ). two teachers came to observe my lesson, one looked and one wrote something, i shall find out what she wrote.
Jl walked around the classroom and RJ threw his temper becos he did not bring his glue. i think he was frustrated with himself but thank God he came round.

reflection:
i believe students could be more active during poetry discussion, i must try to think of something to make them come alive. but do what huh?

Act 2
watched Superman

Response:
the movie was not bad, well, good i guess it should be. i was thinking why they didnt get Tom wellington, the superman in Smallville and Lane from the same show? well tom has the built, i thought this superman is a little too "fleshy".

Reflection:
is superman an american? why does he keep saving the people in the states? how about the people suffering in other parts of the world? he is a bit corny, posing slowly for pictures, not so humble like spidey.
even superman knows the world needs a saviour, why other people cant see it?

Act 3
i attempted to kick up a fight with mx.

Response:
i was pissed off with almost everything, from the dirty car to him not pressing the "B3" button. why is he so slow? why does he have this " i dont care" attitude? why cant he take some time to maintain his car? i wanted very much to strangle him for slamming the car door.

Reflection:
i felt my blood coming up so i reduced my volume, i asked a lame question, " want to top up your cash card?" i maintained my tone and went for a shower.
i think i tried very hard to control myself, instead of falling into the devil's snares, i didnt get a perfect score for behaviour but i deserved a tap on my shoulder for my self-control.
i will try to keep my cool becos i want to be a better person, becos i love God, becos i love mx.

Sunshine ; Saturday, July 01, 2006