I'm just different.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006

i tried to be happy today after pondering for one whole night, if i shd go see the doc. i woke up in the morning, got my things done then went to the doc then tried to be happy again.

i stepped into the classroom, wishing that it would be a good day with the kids but i was utterly disappointed with the same old nonsense they gave me. how difficult it is to explain your mistake instead of blaming everyone in the family? why bring your whole family line down just cos of a silly mistake? why cant they just take ownership for their things? i wanted to storm out but i stayed in and did nothing with them. then it was the beginning of the lousiness. i literally walked in anger, taught in anger, "dont provoke me" was slapped across my face.

luckily i went to meet bee bee, lai lai and dawn. i had 3 slabs of porkshop, cleared the vegs on my plate, ate 3 pieces of bread and down one big serving of ice-cream. my mind was taken off, at least i replaced the anger with lame jokes and nonsense talk. thats my forte.

now i think,

well, i guess i know the answers by now..i had obviously over-reacted but at that moment, i felt like i was totally let down. so to be fair, they were at fault first!! of cos i was not doing the right thing too.

why do people have ears and dont listen? have eyes yet are blind?

now that my lips are swelling due to the ulcers, i have to keep my mouth slightly open, to avoid friction between my big tooth and the ulcers. i have pouty lips now, plus my perpectually slightly opened lips, i look pretty sexy, according to bee bee.

now that im asked to oversee the project, i actually do feel troubled. i know my eagerness will perhaps lead to undesirable situations, at least for me. im not supposed to be the overall IC initially, it seems that im taking away the other people's credits. will there be anyone who feel this way? i asked hui today, she said it doesnt matter. this kind of support is really God's gift to me.

the truth is, it really doesnt matter at all? will anyone feel that im trying too hard to be competent?

after patio, i tried to tone down a bit so that other people will have their chances too now that i had mine. how should i do it in a more subtle manner?

sometimes i think, must i really change to adapt to the environment? will i be the one to influence people and even the environment or let them influence me?

i almost broke down at the doc's, am i really happy? or am i just trying to be?


Sunshine ; Wednesday, September 13, 2006


Note

live, learn and love

Sunflower

moi' profile!
just nahnah who delights in food, shopping, spas, friends, love and being princessie.
my new motivation will be, to pick up my reading again and start to make home-made food to work!!

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