Saturday, September 30, 2006
my heart cried until its blood i taste ......
how much does it take for to incur the wrath of someone who is always so patient and forgiving? well, hui and i, or probabyly just me alone did it within 3 mins.did i really do anything so terribly wrong that i deserved to be treated in a such a manner? that she has to raise her voice at us on the entire staff room? i have not seen her reacted in this manner before, not even when someone else screamedher lungs off at her..what have i done?all i wanted was to ask abt her progress which no one knows cos she refused to be helped. it wasnt me who commented that she should have get her work done during the weekend, it wasnt me who volunteered for this item. so when did i start to become such a detestable figure? i feel so betrayed..aft all the stress i went thru, thinking abt what i shd do in order not to make her feel stressed and thinking abt how to help her, thinking abt how she might feel if say certain things or do certain things, and now all i get was a loud voice to ask me to mind my own business.what have i done that is not good enough? what have i done that so gravely wrong? i walked the whole afternoon just to ensure that things are done and trying to be responsible here but all of these intentions are wrong!!!!so what does she think my motives are? to put her down? to discredit her? to mock at her? to question her ability? who does she think i am? someone trying to outdo her? someone trying to snatch her promotion? someone waiting to backstab her?i always believe that if i do things for the right reasons, nothing will go wrong and for all these reasons that i work for, can i still believe in them? there is an immerse urge to either get a transfer or just move on to the other session next year, i dont even dare think about working at this level anymore. all i get are nothing encouraging, not even friends will think abt how hard you work, how much effort you put in, how much stress you face.if its my leadership that is a gift, then i despise it, cos it only brings me nothing but stress.its all a lie. i hate school.
Sunshine ; Saturday, September 30, 2006
