Wednesday, July 25, 2007
after dinner with yuppie and twinnie, im just so ever thankful that i have God in my life, who always protects, always delivers, always blesses and always forgives. if not for God's mercy everyday, i think i would have gone into a frantic frenzy and ultra depressing depression. compared to last year, i have lesser ad-hoc events to plan and i actually feel better. i have a clearer picture of how people around me are much more important than work. touching their lives are more important. sometimes just lending a listening ear makes so much difference to their lives. sometimes i look at how people lie through their teeth and come up with pretentious acts just to "saka" people whom they think might be useful to them , i wonder, is that how it shd be? what abt integrity? what abt character? are these not unimportant to anyone, how can it be?it set me thinking, am i being too rigid? oh well, i always tell my children, one day you will have to explain all your actions to God, then ill just tell God, i was just being true to myself in whatever i have done on earth.i would like to thank all the following pple..for loving me in your own ways..that remind me that im rewarded for being myself...- God, for my life
- you, for your patience, for all that you are going thru just to ensure that something good will happen in the end
- twinnie, for your listening ears, its all i need
- kei, for your godly counsel, which is why i always allow you to "steal" my food
- yo yo, for the times you supported me when i was so broken
- josephine, for reminding me that there are souls to be saved
- melina, for always showing me God's love
- my bro, for your obvious love and concern
- my sis, for showing love in a manner which i dont like but still accept
- my mummy, for nagging me
- my papa, for ignoring me and always waiting for me to talk to him
- my helper at home, for doing all my chores
- justin and jeremy, for testing my patience
- stewart, for your concern, for tellin me that "the system will take if itself but you need to take care of yourself"
- my bitchy netball friends, who never fail to entertain me
- my gracelight ministry, who always prays for me
- my cell group, for feedin me with godly knowledge and food
- you who loves me even tho im so irritating, bitchy, moody, nonsensical, blah blah ....
well i guess im not so bad after all..haha
Sunshine ; Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
i just checked my course timetable and im really looking forward to SIM..woohoo..im starting next monday, back to TMAs aka assignmts and i looked through the questions..very challenging is the word. i shall not think that its going to stress me and make me sleep deprived and therefore leading to depression and loss of wieght and not forgetting taking MCs to complete the assignmts and yah...i shall not think of that now.. *drop deadi woke up crying after a bad dream and i was wondering, was i crying cos i felt unwanted in the dream or it really matters that much to me? im feelin paranoid now, wondering if God has shown His ways, thinking if i should believe myself and worrying abt if another person will take all these away from me..all these things in my head are driving me crazy and i hate myself for going bonkers..just like how i totally despised myself on 7th april. long term? think long term? does thinking long term helps? does thinking long term means i must totally dump the past? how to? how to just erase everything like it has never happened before? how to forget? im really trying..but i just cant lie to myself that i have put it behind me already..work has less madness feature but people are just as mad. jo taught me this "be sharp like a serpent and gentle like a dove". im trying to make peace with her..but really..is that necessary? will i end up feeling betrayed again?i think im very irritating recently..but pls still do love me ok..ok twinnie? ok kei kei?
Sunshine ; Monday, July 23, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
i have been living in stone age for 2 days, no msn, no internet basically no contact with anyone else other than people in school and family members. i cant imagine life without handphone and internet, isnt that like living my primary school days? at least i got a pager when i was in sec sch, i still remember it was a motorola memo jazz and i could magically type words using the number pad on the phone! i think it was called alpha-numeric and certain numbers represented some messages like 51201314 means i love u forever, 117171554 means i miss you..those were the days.dinner with day was great. she was sharing how her new church, CHC has changed her perspective of life and i feel so happy for her. how God changes our lives,i guess only those whose lives have been changed can truly witness God's love. day is right, every relationship needs improvement and progression, especially our relationship with God, it has to improve and therefore a longing for God's words.most of us are contented with where we are now, unwilling to make progressions for fear that things may not improve the way we want it to be. hmmm..in that case, does that mean that progression might not be good? i must learn to see my own blessings and see God in my life myself rather than seeing Him through other people's lives.courage is fear overcomed by prayer.
Sunshine ; Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
never have i felt that my decisions will make or break a person..is that good or bad? rather, i could be paying my dues now for all that i have done...i really am so overtaken by questions and overly pressed for answers.cannot take it anymore..
Sunshine ; Sunday, July 15, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
things were much more complexed than i thought, i had much more courage than i thought and i listened to much more than what was expected.i wanted to type something like "i did not expect..." but in reality, i did. i expected things were not going to be easy, its just how sudden it was. pastor taught me that there 3 ways to reveal one's character through one's management of money, i think i can come up with my own analysis too. personally, i feel that you can tell a person's character by the following;- how you manage another person's anger
- how you control your own anger
- what makes you angry
i listen a lot and as i listen, i tend to get angry cos of the power of words. words are just words, i always say. how do you know that someone is telling the truth? how to substantiate the value of our speech? by intangibles like trust, credibility?
if i choose to believe, does that mean that im very naive? so if i dont believe easily, does that appear as if im being cautious or too sensitive?
what to say and what not to say?
who to trust and who not to trust?
who to listen to and listen to what?
words are only words...
Sunshine ; Tuesday, July 10, 2007
one word...overwhelmed.
"it will be a sin that you have to live with..."
can i handle that?
Sunshine ; Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
extremely tired today...taught my BC today and i wonder how much have they absorbed..hmm how to teach them well? tho its a small class but its so difficult to assess their learning.sometimes smsing can be quite irritating especially when you are waiting for replies and these people simply just work by their own clock to reply. go for dinner only ma..very diff to decide meh? ahhh..anyway it will nt spoil my mood for tmr and for the week! rem, i must work hard to stay stress free!!am i really so disgustingly underpaid or am i just overworked?i miss my babies..
Sunshine ; Tuesday, July 03, 2007
instead of monday blues, it was an exceptionally joyous day for me..- i slpt until 1215 this afternoon, all in all i concuss for 12 hrs straight aft the trip to malacca.
- i unpacked my bag and kept eveythg nicely in the cupboard.
- i was patient with my boys who kept pestering me for twister.
- i went out to get ang pow box for keikei.
- bougght 2 dresses..finally!!! altho they dont fit me but i can get them altered for free! u r right, it seems that i gotta custom make my dresses oredi since none of the clothes that i tried on fit me anymore!!
- i bought a pair of heels..now hv to think of wat to wear to match them.
- i ate my fav handroll.
- i ate long john's silver abt one hr later.
- after 2 hrs, i went to have mac fries.
- i cooked rice noodles for supper. wah i must highly recommend this koka rice noodles which come in 4 different flavours in a pac, the rice noodles is really soft as it proclaims and easy to prepare. most importantly, its msg free! excellent! i tried tom yum flavour just now and it was delicious. it has this authentic tom yum taste and the garnishings was generous and i could actually taste the dried chilli and chew the shrimps! most shrimps are overly dried and almost tasteless, not forgetting the minute size of it. this koka rice noodles is really worth trying and i cant wait to try the other flavours!
- we won the game just now and it was a good time we played. oh well, at least we ended the season with a winning game and i guess all of us have done lots of reflections.
- i talked to beloved huilin today and im gg to meet her on sat morning!! i miss her so much.
- i did my work.
- shiqiu told me a piece of gd news, she gt her flat!! which means she will be gettin married in 2 years' time! feel so happy for her..
- received a wedding invitation today..arghhh...the wedding epidermic!!!
the malacca trip ended off with twinnie knowing how much i value her and how impt she is to me..or so i hope she knows that she is never someone extra to me...
i love u, twinnie!!! i love u kei kei!!
Sunshine ; Tuesday, July 03, 2007
